Skip to main content

Spread Your Wings And Fly Sweet Babies

This is one of my favorite times of year, usually that is….Generally my hardest season is back to school time. I love every minute of my kiddos and Hubs underfoot, the slowed schedules, the time to beach it, boat it, and just be plain lazy.


But this year, this year I am really struggling with my depression and anxiety in this season.
This season of life is frankly scaring the pants off of me...My oldest is finishing middle school. My baby girl is now 13, a real teenager with all that comes. My baby, my baby baby is going to finish elementary. Don’t get me wrong, I am still counting the days- there are 8 more. Eight more school days where I have kids in middle and elementary school. I’m just counting them differently this year.
They are growing up so fast. It’s all happening so quickly. I remember the days when they were all home as toddlers and babies. So many of those days, those phases, seemed never ending. The nights of no sleep. The constant cleaning of crumbs. The early mornings, late nights, tantrums, potty training---My mantra was This too will pass, muttered under my breath on the repeat reel some days. Truly, I loved so very much of those times, but I don’t think i understood how truly precious they were.  I miss the snuggles, the smell of baby shampoo, how I hung the sun and the moon in their eyes. I could go on and on. Why didn't I realize that last night that my baby would crawl into my bed at 3am for Mama comfort would be the last night EVER?
How did we get from there to here? It is too fast for this Mama.

Don’t get me wrong, I actually love so much of the season we are in right now too. They are pretty much self sufficient. I don’t have to pick up after them anymore. They can do chores in and out of the house. They can cook, well enough that I don’t HAVE to make their meals. All good things. And best of all the people they are going to be are very much emerging. They have full fledged personalities, beliefs, characteristics….They are truly their own people and I actually really LIKE THEM!
I know God gave them to us not for them to be ours, but to steward and shepherd as they grow. I feel like J and I are doing this. I actually like the person each of them are SO VERY MUCH. I know we’ve messed up in countless ways but through God’s Grace they are becoming such amazing creations. The whole point of this Godly parenting thing is to form fully functioning christian men and women who can exist in this world without Mom and Dad. I get this intellectually. I even have plans for life and fun with J that we enjoy dreaming about- Life after kids dreams we have for just us!!
But suddenly it seems too real, too close to reality. I can visualize it. I can almost taste it. And I am selfishly terrified.
They are spreading their wings ya'll. They are inching towards the edges of the nest and actually thinking of flying. I kinda wanna clip those wings today( yep, I said it). I want them to be safe and sound and under my protective feathers.
I want to freeze time. I plain don’t want them to grow up ANY MORE. I am feeling supremely selfish and wanting them to remain ALL MINE! I am frozen with fear and anxiety over a future where my baby doesn’t kiss and hug me goodbye everyday. I am frozen with fear over a day when there are no more soccer games, no more Robotics meets or Boyscouts. No more family dinners, vacations,nor lake time. I am frozen to think of the day they will marry and truly become one with another human, one who is not Mama.
This may sound silly. My oldest is only 15.-- But I can taste and see it ya’ll. --I know it is going to be here in a FLASH and I AM NOT READY. There I said it. Thank Goodness that God doesn’t call me to do it today. I truly am not ready today. But I know that God gives me Manna for today. Grace for today. He doesn’t ask me to live in the future, nor does he want me to angst for the past.
My God graciously gives me what I need for what is currently happening, no more, no less-- and that is EXACTLY what I need.
I can feel my body destressing as I write these words. God’s got this. God’s got me. God’s got each of my children. So if any of you are like me, scared of the next stage of life, or even the one you are in. If you are struggling-- Stop and remember this-- He gives you Manna for TODAY. Grace for TODAY. And that is everything  you need! You’ve got this Mama, because God’s got you!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Keto Breaded Pork Chops - A Quick and Easy Recipe INGREDIENTS - 8 thin cut boneless pork chops ( can also use chicken) 1 cup crushed pork rinds  1/2 cup parmesan cheese (the kind in the green can!) 1/4 cup Nutritional Yeast ( this ingredient is SO flavorful - worth buying! but you could just use the parmesan and pork rinds only 1:1 ratio if you wanted) salt and pepper to taste any other seasonings to taste ( I used a bit of garlic powder today) 1 stick melted butter ( this is IMPORTANT!) DIRECTIONS- Combine dry ingredients together in a shallow bowl.  Melt butter in a Shallow bowl. Season butter, dry ingredients and pork with salt and pepper, as well as any seasoning of choice. Set up bowls and a parchment lined baking pan assembly line style. Dip pork into butter, then coat well in dry mixture, then set on pan. Repeat this step until all pork is finished. Bake in top rack of oven at 425 degrees approx 20-25 min, depending on thickness of  your meat. Serve  a
Post a Comment
Read more

Quick and Easy Low Carb Sausage Balls

Sausage Balls - My Family Recipe Ketofied! 1 pound ground sausage ( we prefer the a spicy one) 8 oz shredded cheddar 1/4 cup Kraft Parmesan cheese (green can) 1 cup Trim Healthy Mama Blend flour ( could sub almond flour, but see my substitution note below) 1 tsp Baking Powder salt/pepper to taste, about a tsp each DIRECTIONS: Preheat oven to 350 degrees Dump all ingredients in a bowl and use your hands to mash it all together well. It will not fully incorporate, there is always some stray cheese and flour, thats ok, but work it until almost fully incorporated) Next form balls and place on a baking sheet lined with parchment. Bake for 20 min or so..till golden brown! Enjoy! *****If you use almond flour I suggest adding 4 oz cream cheese as well, as it could be a bit drier. *****Sometimes I add the cream cheese anyways- I love cream cheese!!!!!
Post a Comment
Read more
Buffalo Chicken Soup (topped with blue cheese here) Ya'll. I just can't even describe how amazing this tastes- it is just so very decadent and exactly what I was craving today with my cold. The fact that it comes together with little to no effort was just the icing on on the proverbial cake for me today! As much as I love buffalo dip, I may just love this more! Ingredients : 25 ounces canned white meat chicken ( or shred your own) 10 oz riced cauliflower ( I used frozen Birdseye) 1/2 cup Frank's Hot Sauce 1/2 cup sour cream 1/2 cup heavy cream 2 cups chicken stock 1 cup shredded cheddar cheese 1 Tbsp Ranch ( I used Penzey's) 1 can Chipotle Rotel ( or any Rotel) Directions: Dump all ingredients except sour cream into Instant Pot. Set to Soup Setting ( or Manual 20 min) and make sure top is on Sealing. Now just let it cook and depressurize. Stir in sour cream and taste for any flavor adjustments.  Serve with extra cheese, or blue cheese on top. E
Post a Comment
Read more