Skip to main content

Enough


I walk along in this life, the days tend to blend, things march on...We have soccer practices, boy scouts, tournaments and games, homework, Sunday Worship, bible studies, youth group, school, breakfast, lunch, dinner..Repeat....Life marches on...and I can be get so caught up in the schedule, the "getting it done". So wrapped up in never feeling ENOUGH, and thus stuck on the treadmill of striving on my own strength. I forget to SLOW, to BE STILL, to listen to my Lord. I forget to Pause.
I forget to open my eyes and SEEK, to look- look for God in the midst, look for God everywhere and in everything.
I see pain, suffering, crazy politics, wars, earthquakes that devastate. I feel my pain and personal suffering.I feel overwhelmed, and rather than turn to Him, I begin to run harder on that treadmill of my own Strength.
As many know, over the last years I have struggled physically with illness after illness, back injuries and now Fibro- I so easily think- this is too much.
I worry, I angst, over how it will affect my kids, my husband---how I am not the perfect wife and mom I want to be- the one I see in my head.
I struggle with feeling not ENOUGH.
But I am not my Fibro.  Its not who I am. I am God's child. I am saved by Grace. I am made for so much more. I am ENOUGH.
Yet, I don't feel it.
God says I am His Beloved. He created me, saved me, and is Present and Ever Working in me.
THIS, THIS is the TRUTH.
Yet, I don't feel it. I don't live it.

And then....
The Fire.
The fire that burns our house down. Destroying all of our physical belongings, many of which were very sentimental. And again I feel overwhelmed. I begin to run harder on that treadmill, adrenaline kicking in - trying to make all ok - Striving to be ENOUGH, all on my own.

GOD MEETS ME HERE. In this Mess. He lends Grace in the Ugly. And it is Beautiful.

I felt beat over the head with His message to me. That I need Him desperately, that I am called to place my Faith and Trust in Him, and that I am ENOUGH.
It shakes me soo --in a good way.
I see with startling clarity that He was showing me that I simply cannot do this life thing on my own. He is overwhelming me with feelings of Gratitude and Blessing. He is bringing so many friends to rally around us and donate, help, pray for us. Allowing me to see that stuff is just stuff, that my relationships are what is important, that He is in Control, and that I will never be able to run fast enough to make everything ok, to be Enough to all. And that is ok, because it was never what I was meant for.
THIS TRUTH, that I AM ENOUGH.
He used this tragedy to truly open my eyes, to draw me to Him, to show me my immense need for Him.
{I have and likely will always struggle with depression and anxiety along with my physical health issues. This is a life long struggle, the feeling of not being Enough. I am sure I will still feel this way too often, that the Devil will use his lies to manipulate me here, as he knows its a weak spot for me.}
BUT....
BUT today I hear it loud and clear that yes Erika YOU ARE ENOUGH.
Today I journal it, and it is carved into my being- God chose you Erika, God loves you and you are precious in His sight. You are ENOUGH.

All of the events of my life...they are not bad or wrong... God will use them to grow my roots deeper in HIM, to grow my relationship with my Lord, to pull me through the Sanctification process. The more I grow in Him, the more I see how very sin filled I am. I am humbled by my great need.

SOOOO...... God has used these last weeks to show me LOUD AND CLEAR that I want more.

Through my struggles, my sufferings, He is growing me, and giving me the desire for more. More of Him, More from me.
I want To See God More, to fill with His Love and JOY More.
I long to live EUCHARISTEO.
If I live daily in the word, if I daily put on my Armour that is God, and wear my Jesus goggles- I can SEE JOY and Thanksgiving in even the darkest of places!!! And Through Him all of this is possible.

This, this is the message He has brings me when He meets me right where I am- in my Ugly Beautiful Places.

This is what He shows-
that even, maybe especially, in the Ugly Beautiful His Light Shines Brightest. And that even in my darkness, in my Suffering, he sears the message that I am ENOUGH on my very being. AND THAT, that my friends, is UGLY BEAUTIFUL GRACE!



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Keto Breaded Pork Chops - A Quick and Easy Recipe INGREDIENTS - 8 thin cut boneless pork chops ( can also use chicken) 1 cup crushed pork rinds  1/2 cup parmesan cheese (the kind in the green can!) 1/4 cup Nutritional Yeast ( this ingredient is SO flavorful - worth buying! but you could just use the parmesan and pork rinds only 1:1 ratio if you wanted) salt and pepper to taste any other seasonings to taste ( I used a bit of garlic powder today) 1 stick melted butter ( this is IMPORTANT!) DIRECTIONS- Combine dry ingredients together in a shallow bowl.  Melt butter in a Shallow bowl. Season butter, dry ingredients and pork with salt and pepper, as well as any seasoning of choice. Set up bowls and a parchment lined baking pan assembly line style. Dip pork into butter, then coat well in dry mixture, then set on pan. Repeat this step until all pork is finished. Bake in top rack of oven at 425 degrees approx 20-25 min, depending on thickness of  your meat. Serve  a
Post a Comment
Read more

Quick and Easy Low Carb Sausage Balls

Sausage Balls - My Family Recipe Ketofied! 1 pound ground sausage ( we prefer the a spicy one) 8 oz shredded cheddar 1/4 cup Kraft Parmesan cheese (green can) 1 cup Trim Healthy Mama Blend flour ( could sub almond flour, but see my substitution note below) 1 tsp Baking Powder salt/pepper to taste, about a tsp each DIRECTIONS: Preheat oven to 350 degrees Dump all ingredients in a bowl and use your hands to mash it all together well. It will not fully incorporate, there is always some stray cheese and flour, thats ok, but work it until almost fully incorporated) Next form balls and place on a baking sheet lined with parchment. Bake for 20 min or so..till golden brown! Enjoy! *****If you use almond flour I suggest adding 4 oz cream cheese as well, as it could be a bit drier. *****Sometimes I add the cream cheese anyways- I love cream cheese!!!!!
Post a Comment
Read more

The Nitty Gritty That is Fibro

Today I may or may not have the flu. How would you not know, right? Well, if you have Fibromyalgia, every day feels like a variation of the Flu. So if I ever do get sick, like an acute Sickness, well I never know if it is yet another symptom, or a just a bad Fibro day. So it got me thinking...With the flu so rampantly going around, maybe now is a good time to try and explain my everyday, my Fibro. I know so many who love me, or who know me and have me on your prayer chain, well you aren’t really sure what exactly it is.
Post a Comment
Read more